1. 4oq:

    true friendship is talking about masturbating and it not being weird 

    (via pukechewer)

     
  2. awwww-cute:

    Penny the service dog in training enjoying a puppuccino

    (via condom)

     
  3. fuckyeahthespianpeacock:

    saltheria:

    yeffyaboyuice:

    mythchief:

    So there I was, ready to take a shower. I mean, I was dirty, a little greasy, a shower was not such a horrible idea. People take showers, amiright? Of course!

    I get naked.

    FULL naked.

    REAL naked.

    I’m talking the exact opposite reason why you ever went to your grandmother’s house.

    No cookies. Blatant nudity.

    That’s how folks take showers these days, right? Well, I pull back the curtain…

    And there it was.

    This…thing…sitting on the little soap/shower/pube shelf. Not a care in the world, like it’s been there for years. “What the fuck is that?” I think to myself.

    Now, what follows is the exact pattern of thought that took me from rational human being to Sloth in 3.4 seconds.

    “Is that a Red Lobster cheesy biscuit? Holy fuck that’s a Red Lobster cheesy biscuit. OMG why would someone leave that unattended. Those things are so delicious. I’m gonna eat the fuck out of it. Man, I can’t wait to see whoever left it’s face when they come back to find that someone ate their cheesy biscuit’s fuck. Ohhh boy.”

    Then my brain sent a message to my arm that said, “Reach for that cheesy biscuit, bitch. WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR!?”

    As you must already know, we are all contractually bound to make a dickload of mistakes throughout our lifetime. Some of those mistakes are so big that they forever hinder our world and warrant entire chapters in our children’s history books. However, most mistakes have the dubious providence of merely haunting one’s soul and festering amidst the subconscious for always and eternity.

    This was, nearly, one of those.

    If my adjacency to failure could be measured, the only possible unit of measurement to appropriate it would be “baby condoms”. And no, I do not mean those horrendous papoose-like titty-cribs that the slovenly carriage their spawn around in in Wal-Mart, I mean condoms that a baby would wear.

    My adjacency to failure was roughly 1 and a half Kiddie Trojans.

    I’m not sure what stopped me, be it cosmic or supernatural, but it gave my brain just enough time to ask itself some rather important questions regarding this little tub treasure. Questions like:

    “WHO, THE FUCK, WOULD LEAVE A CHEESY BISCUIT IN MY SHOWER?!”

    And inquiries such as:

    “AND WHY WERE YOU GOING TO EAT IT, MORON?!”

    Seriously, was I so hungry that I would wantonly disobey all the integral conditioning and survival imprinting my parents bestowed upon me like the ever important, “Um, don’t eat that biscuit, you don’t know where it’s been or whose it is and also you found it in the shower.” in order to satisfy something so benign as a munchie?

    That, I’m sorry to say, was pretty much my reality.

    An early morning introspective psychological evaluation of a sad, hungry, naked man who almost ate a bar of soap.

    OMG ITS BACK

    This shit needs to be published.

    This is going in the monologue section and I’m not even sorry.

    (via frecklebuttcronus)

     
  4.  
  5. idopaint-themgreen:

    the-fury-of-a-time-lord:

    lgbtqblogs:

    Two brides have become two of the most kickass women in the world by marrying to protest against homophobia in Russia.

    Alina Davis, a 23-year-old trans woman, and Allison Brooks, her 19-year-old partner, donned matching white floor-length bridal gowns and married at a civil registry office earlier this month.

    As Davis is still legally regarded as male, the office had no choice but to hand them a marriage certificate.

    The couple said officials chided them, and appeared to be violent.

    ‘She called us the shame of the family and said we need medical treatment … I was afraid my pussycat [an affectionate pet name in Russian] would beat the fuck out of her,’ Davis said on her VK page.

    But the couple were allowed to sign the papers, meaning a gay couple in Russia are legally recognized as married – even if it’s through a loophole.

    ‘This is an important precedent for Russia,’ Davis said.

    Russia banned same-sex marriage and outlawed ‘gay propaganda’ in 2013.

    holy jesus look at these two warrior princesses

    they are my heroes

    YOU GO GIRLS

    "Oh, you don’t wanna recognize my gender? Okay then lol guess you have to recognize my marriage"

    that is amazing

    (via dirntythoughts)

     
  6. loopyleprechaun:

    I googled guinea pig with brussel sprouts and let me tell you I was not disappointed 

    (via joshpeck)

     
  7. averypottermormon:

    jade-homestuck-harley:

    essayofthoughts:

    indigoumbrella:

    essayofthoughts:

    indigoumbrella:

    huffpostarts:

    In The Not So Distant Future, Glow-In-The-Dark Trees Could Replace Street Lights

    Is that… is that even healthy?

    There are sea organisms and fungi which glow in the dark and there’s fireflies and jellyfish which glow in the dark. It doesn’t do them any harm nor does it do the people around them any harm. I would say its pretty healthy, as well as it would mean more photosynthesis happening in cities which mean cleaner air.

    I was just curious about how they were doing it and for some reason I didn’t think to click the link. But thanks! It makes more sense now. I was afraid it was some kind of chemical thing.

    nah just genetic modification using existing bioluminescent genes. Genetics is really cool, and so is bioluminescence. I mean they’ve already made pigs glow using jellyfish genes and pigs are waaay more complicated than trees iirc. So they’re actually (i think) less likely to muck it up with trees.

    In which case

    GLOWY

    FORESTS

    GLOWY

    TREES

    GLOWY

    EVERYTHING

    (I like glowy things)

    All hail the mighty glow tree

    the last comment slayed me

    (via princessingrid09)

     
  8.  
  9. elvishbabe:

    this is my new favourite thing in the world

    (Source: lolfactory, via -annoying)

     
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